


Can't Stop Remembering

by ItsMeYaBoi



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anorexia, Anorexic, Bulimia, Coming Out, Depression, Emotional, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hidden Relationships, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Love Confessions, M/M, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Self-Pity, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-06
Updated: 2018-03-01
Packaged: 2019-03-13 19:13:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13577169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsMeYaBoi/pseuds/ItsMeYaBoi
Summary: When Scout still lived with his ma he recived regular medication and treatment. when he became part of the Mercs, he hadn't told anyone and wouldn't take his medicine. his problems still reside inside of him but fakes how he's feelings and too prevent himself from over reacting in front of the other mercs he has a secret under the arm wraps he wears.(not trying to glamorize suicide and depression, i deal with it myself and writing is a way i can get my emotions out so this is what i do instead of harming myself so if  you are triggered by any of the tags i would suggest leaving.)





	1. A Broken Record On Repeat

A nightly routine is what this had become, the arm wraps he wore were a saving grace so he wouldn't have to wear anything out of place that would cause the other mercs to question him. "Not as if they'll care." Scout softly mumbled to himself in response to his own thoughts. his bandeges were off his arms, a blade held tightly in his fingers as he held it his against his skin. The cool metal was a familiar feeling against his skin. Cut after cut, more blood spilled from his wrists. The word 'Fag' carved into his left arm. It was the deepest set of cuts, not deep enough to kill, but deep enough to where it was still bleeding a lot after 20 minutes.

He woke up hours later in his bed right where he passed out. He wrapped his bandages around his wrists again and heads to the kitchen for breakfast like any other day. He put on a fake smile and cracked jokes throughout breakfast like any other day. Battles were the same as any other day, besides the fact his wrists were in a lot of pain from last night. More than usual. He knew it was useless to call for medic on the field because 'Medic's don't heal Scouts', well not before healing Heavy who was calling for medic too. he went to go find a health kit but found something that was more visually pleasing to him. he looked into the window of a building and saw sniper, his gun propped up on the window sill, waiting to find someone from the other team to end up over here so he could kill them and send them back to their respawn. he looked so perfect to him. his heart fluttered when he saw him so focused. he knew had had to leave before he was caught staring at the older man, but he couldn't get his legs to cooperate, but he eventually made them work and found himself a health kit.

Why is he here. He never ate with the other mercs. He always claimed 'too much noise' but here was Sniper, sitting with us and laughing at our jokes, mine made him laugh the most. It felt like a competition to get a smile or a laugh out of him and i was winning. i didn't know why but it was my goal to make him laugh more than a few chuckles at a time. "Every shut up, i gott anotha joke. Why didn't spy cross the road? He never really was on our side!" Sniper broke into a fit of laughter, Scout knew how sniper felt about spy, as did everyone. Scout still beamed as he watched Sniper double over laughing at the kinda lame joke. it made him feel something he haden't felt in a long time. Pride. it felt like he got a home run and won the big game. looking back at snipers face made him relize something he had pushed to the back of his mind. He loved boys. not just boys but specifically, Sniper. he finally could admit it. seeing him on the feilt in one spot wasn't seeing much but it was enough to make his flutter and now seeing him laughing so hard at his joke could honestly kill him from his blush, but he tried hiding it of course. He could never let anyone know he was in love.

The night was the same as the last. cuts in his arms, over new scars and adding onto the cuts from last night. he looked at the word 'fag' carved from last night. he took the razor and put it against the arm that said 'fag' and carved into it. 'Sniper' is what it read. his hand shook slightly as he put the razor down and covered his arms back up. he reached into his bag he brought from home. a note book was in there. it was a solid back color besides where the name was suposed to go, 'Scout' was quickly scribbled on the cover. he opened it to the next clean page and started writing 'i love boys' over and over until the whole page was covered with those words, the previous pages had things simmilar to it like 'i think i like boys' or 'i like girls and boys'. it was a way of him coming to terms with himself before telling anyone. he turned to the first page. it read "Rules of the Writing, 1. write any feelings you have to anyone who isn't a girl. 2. you must write when you think you might like boys even if you still like girls. 3. If you get the the end of the book and most of it is just about boys and no girls, your gay and must tell ma." he closed the book. it was almost full. most of it was him liking boys. he knew he had to call his mom soon. he closed the book and put it back where he got it. he layed down on his bed and tried to get some sleep. he was unsuccessful for 2 hours until his exhaustion made him fall asleep.

Of course his dreams didn't help control his feelings. dreams could drastically change from himself dying to him and sniper being together. he knew it was fake and he knew sniper and him would never be a thing but he couldn't help but hope one day he would wake up, his scars healed and him and sniper a couple away from the other mercs ina place of there own. that was the furthest from reality. he knew he and sniper would never ever be a thing. but dreams were different. he could be as perfect as he wanted in a dram. it was fake. an escape from his life. an escape from his self hatred. but of course two things are the same between his dreams and real life. He was gay and in love with Sniper


	2. A Little Too Deep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it gets kinda graphic and really depressed. Medic needs to help this boy but can't do much with what he has on hand

Scout woke up. His arm throbbed from the pain from his cuts. He didn't care. It was his punishment. For what? He was gay, he was depressed and he ends up fucking everything up. Or at least that's what he thought. walking down to the dining area, sniper was there again, but this time next to where scout would be sitting. The thout of sitting next to sniper was enough to make him feel like vomiting but he sat anyway.

He didn't eat breakfast. Come to think of it he didnt eat he might before either. Or the night before that. He didn't want to eat. The thought of eating was slowly became disgusting to him.

Scout was the first to leave the table, a bit unusual for him to be the first to leave but no one seemed to notice except medic.  
"Oh Scout, i need to do your yearly medical exam. Vould you like to do it nov?" "... whateva" scout shrugs and walks behind medic to his lab to do the medical. The medical was nothing but to scout it meant he could loose his job if Medic found the scars. "Ok you should know how this goes." He did and he always got out of showing his wrists but medic was watching him like a hawk so it was inevitable that he would see the scars. Scout took his shirt off but left the wraps over his wrists. You could see his ribs, they were very prominant. Medic did what was needed that wouldn't involve scout takin off his wraps but it needed to be done. "Scout if you don't mind me asking but vhy do you vear the are vraps?" Scout couldn't hide anymore  
"As long as you promise to tell anyone i can show you"  
"I don't reveal patients secrets scout, you should know this" Scout nodded and started to take the wraps on his left arm and set them next to him then his right arm then he held out both for medic to look at. "Scout.." "Yeah i know, i probably shouldn't have but i can't stop-" "as your doctor not your psychiatrist I have to say that they're infected and I need to heal them. "But why?" "I understand that you are gay, ja?"

He told medic everything. Every small detail. And medic listened to all of it. "Nov i vould love to help you but i still need to finish the exam. So i will be able to get the infection out, but the scabs and scars can't be helped. And i vill get yo new bandages for your arms, but please if you must do it again don't get another infection." Medic grabbed the medigun and healed the infections "nov on the scale, i need your veight"

Scout got on the scale, he really didn't want to know his weight but he knew medic was gonna say it anyway. "you're underveight. you're 5'10 and 108 pounds. thats severly underveight. you know that?" Scout shrugs, he really didn't care. maybe if he was skinny he would look more feminine. Maybe Sniper would love him if he was a woman. "Scout you need to eat more, i vill be vatching you during meals now to make zure you eat." 

Scout was sent back to his room for the day new bandages in his arms and no fighting for the day. content with the fact there was no fighting on saturdays or sundays, he could just stay in his bed for the rest of the day. well until he was forced into the dining area for dinner. but that wasn't for a few hours. Scout closes his eyes and tries to get some sleep before dinner until there was a knock at his door. he opens his eyes and sits up "who's there?" "Its Sniper. Medic wanted us to talk alone, for some reason" 

Scout blushes dark and looks at the door. his crush was on the other side of it. "Uh yeah, just come in." Sniper walked in. sniper spent most of his time in his van, he probably got lost trying to find his room. this was probabay a hassle for him. he probably forced to do this. he probably doesn't care. "medic told me you needed someone to talk to." For once scout was at a loss for words. he was always talking but usually no one listened and now he had someone who would listen. "Well you could say that, i like to put is as i need someone to listen." Sniper just nodded, "I'm all ears" and he was, Sniper listened to every detail Scout said to him. taking in all the info he was being given. it didn't matter if it was needed or not, he listened. 

Scout talked for 2 hours. Sniper listened to it. he talked about his life before he was hired, his Ma and how out of 8 brothers he was the youngest. how if you weren't strong enough to eat first, you didn't eat or do whatever you needed to do. Sniper of course tried to relate, not really being able to but Scout was happy to be talking directly to Sniper. Maybe the closer they got he might be able to tell him he was in love with him. probably not. maybe he could get Sniper to talk about his feelings next.  
The 2 talked until dinner was called. they walked down to the dinning are, sniper sat next to scout Medic was on the other side of scout. when the food was placed in front of Scout. scout looked at the food, same stuff served here since he joined. Scout forced himself to eat it, only because Medic was watching him.

he forced himself to eat about half of it before excusing himself back to his room. he didn't go back to his room. he went into the furthest bathroom from the dinning area. he crouched in front of the toilet and looked at his first 2 fingers "never thought i would be doing this again.." he mumbled to himself softly before opening his mouth and shoving the fingers to the back of hsi throat, forcing himnself to empty his stomach, before he gained any weight. he didn't want to gain anymore. when he finished, he cleaned himself up and went back to his room. he grabbed the notebook and started writing 'I'm in love with Sniper' hundreds of time on the page. he really was in love with sniper. his laugh made scout happy just to hear it. it made him want to hear it daily. which is why he was so happy when Sniper was listening to him talk.


	3. Coming Clean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scout sees the inside of Snipers van

A knock on his bedroom door, a knock only sniper used. after a daily routine of Sniper and Scout hanging out and talking Scouts crush grew more and more, and on days where he was able to vent his emotions to Sniper, he wouldn't cut, he actually got the scabs into scars, they were still on his arms but less visbale. He still made himself vomit up whatever he ate but he was never gonna mention that. Sniper walked into Scouts room "need to vent or is this a chill day" Scout smiles "chill day"  
"Well thats good 'cause i was wondering, do you wanna hand out in my van. not for anything just, we always are in your room and i was thinking if we spent so much time in your room you should at lease see where i spend most of my time.."  
"would love ta" Scout could swear he saw a blush on snipers cheeks but convinced himself it was just in his head.

Snipers van was kinda big for one man. maybe he had a lady back home and thats why he had such a big van. probably, but maybe not concidering the fact sniper has told him multipul times he wasn't good with girls, or many people in general. around the van, there was a kitchen area, a couch and 2 blocked area, one for the bathroom and one for snipers bed and private stuff. in what Scout presumed to be a living room type area, there was a table with a lamp and next to the lamp was a picture of Sniper kissing another mans cheek. 'so thats why the van is so big' Scouts heart broke when he saw the picture. even though it looked a few years old. Sniper was clean faced and smiling as the other man kissed his cheek. 

"need anything scout" Scout was snapped out of thought. "oh, nah. but whos this in the picture?" Sniper looks at it and his eyes wided as if he haden't seen the picture in years. "thats my ex boyfriend. he said he was my one and only, then cheated on me. i need to throw it out. i haven't seen him in so many years." they were both silent for a few moments before Sniper spoke again. "Yes, im gay." Scout looked at Sniper and fidgeted with the bandages on his left arm, "guess that makes both of us" scout finally takes off the bandages. the scars of when he had 'Fag' carved into his arm were the most prominant. Sniper looked at Scouts scar covered arm. "so thats why you wear the bandages.." 

Sniper listened to scouts mindless rambling about why and his disorderes and all of that. Sniper looks at the still bandaged arm. "That one has scars too, yeah?" Scout nods "why don't you let them breath too yeah?" Scout reluctently listens to sniper and takes the bandages and lets sniper look at the scars on his right arm too, snipers name was still more pink than the other cuts, hopfully he wouldn't be questioned. "Mundy," was all Sniper said "What?" "My names Mick Mundy" Scout looks at his arms and blushes softly. he loved him and they didn't even know each others names. "well, my names Jeremy" Scout looks at his arm. "you're not gonna question it?" Sniper looks at Scouts face "i can tell its personal to you. i don't want you to think im pushing the topic, well more than i probably have." scout looks back at Sniper. "Have i ever told you the time when i ended up killing the other teams Heavy?" Scout quickly started to ramble about that instead of his scarred arms.

The night was going my quick and they talked about anything, if it was in their head, it was spoken about. eventually it ended up with Scout in Snipers lap while they talked. "You know," scout began, "you're the first guy i ever would consider dating. like, i never really found girls attracktive, i just dated them for ma's sake. I mean i found so many guys attracktive but only for like one night stands and stuff like that never found them interesting for anything more but its different you, its like-" Scouts sentance, cut short by a pair of lips against his. Snipers lips to be exact. Snipers had his hands around Scouts waist. Scout kisses back. his hands move to tangle in Snipers hair, he really didn't want to move, but Sniper eventually moved away and Scout puts his hands back into his lap. a deep blush was on scouts face, along with Snipers, but Scouts paler skin made his blush pop a little bit more. 

It was getting late and scout didn't want to be alone in his room after what just went down. his first kiss that he really wanted to happen. "could i sleep on the couch, i don't wanna go back to the base." Sniper shakes his head "you aint sleeping on the couch, your sleeping in my bed" Scout blushed slightly and nods, not gonna arge about sleeping in the same bed with him. it wasn't anything wrong, just 2 boys, who just kissed, falling asleep in a singular bed. okay maybe it was a little wrong but maybe only because scout wasn't used to intamacy, maybe Sniper wouldn't be either and it would be fine. of course it would be fine. hopfully


	4. What Are We

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just a cute chapter of love and an important conversation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love the idea of Sniper calling Scout Wombat and Roo so yeah.

Sniper looked peacful when he slept. Scout wasn't being a creep, he just couldn't fall back asleep. last night, he was talked into sleeping in the same bed and sniper, and fell asleep right when his head hit the pillow now he was laying in the same bed as his crush, 'boyfriend? i mean he kissed me, but that don't mean shit.' Either way it was the best night of sleep Scout had gotten in years. 

sniper's eyes opened and scout was caught staring at him, "whacha lookin at, wombat" Scout bites his lip as a soft blush crosses his freakled face. Sniper sits up and turns on the lamp that was next to his bed "you okay Scout?"  
"Yeah just, why'd ya call me wombat, what even is a fucking wombat?" Scout tilts his head to the side slightly.  
"wombat's are marsupial's. i called you Wombat because you act like a baby wombat. small and fast."  
Scout blushes softly and looks at Sniper, "so its like a pet name?" Sniper nods  
"well you could put it that way." Sniper looks over at the clock next to his lamp, it was almost 6 am, when they would usually need to be up. thankfully it was Sunday, not a fighting day. maybe the mercs wouldn't question where he was. i mean usually they didn't seee me anyway. maybe medic would question where he was. Scout layed back down and Sniper lays next to him, wrapping his arms around Scouts middle. "Snipes?"  
"Yes wombat?" Scout couldn't help but smile  
"i was wonderin', are we like boyfriends now or was the kiss we had last night just a friendly thing, cause i really don't want it ta be. like i really love you and i just don't know what we are and i wanna make sure i can be ready for heartbreak if it was just-" Snipers lips against Scouts was cutting his sentance short. it was a quick kiss but enough to get him to stop rambling  
"you really think i would let my boyfriend think he wasn't my boyfriend" Scouts face was red, a big smile plastered on his face.  
"im ya boyfriend?"  
sniper shakes his head "no shit wombat"

Scout and Sniper layed in bed for a while until paniced knocking was at the door of the van. Sniper started grumbling and got up "stay there wombat" sniper wasn't wearing a shirt just some loose pants he only wore when not at work. his hair was a big mop at the moment. when he opened a panicked medic was on the other side  
"Sniper, scouts not in his room. pleaze tell me you know vere he is" Sniper rolls his eyes and leans back slightly "Wombat come 'er. Medic's looking for ya" Scout gets up and walks into the kitchen, he also was shirtless and his bandages were off.  
"what ya need doc?" Medics sigh of release was pretty loud  
"zank you! don't diappear like zat! especially in your situation. i just wanted to know you were okay. eat breakfast and dinner. bis später" and with that medic was gone

Sniper and scout ended up watching the television while cuddling on the couch until Scout started fidgeting in his seat. sniper looks at the fidgety boy "need anyhting Roo?"  
"Roo's a new one. short for kangaroo? cause of strong legs right?" Sniper nods in conformation "yeah now why are you moving so much? needa do something?" Scout nods and sniper gets up. "now i normally wouldn't suggest this but because i care about you i was thinking we dance" sniper moves some stuff around and finds a record player and a vinyl of 'All You Need Is Love' by The Beatles. Scout gets up as Sniper puts it on and it starts playing. 

"There's nothing you can do that can't be done" The vinyl plays as the two sway back and and forth to the tune of the Beatles. It was something you wouldn't think Snper would ever want to do with anyone, but as it turns out he could be mister softy if you get comfortable with him.  
"All you need is love, love, love is all you need" Scout could hear Sniper softly singing along to the song, maybe subconsciously to himself of maybe he was fully aware and was singing to Scout either way he appreciated it. it was a nice romantic song. they stayed how they were until it was almost over. Sniper pulls Scout into a passionate kiss just as the song ended. he wraps his arms around Snipers neck and Sniper wraps his arms around Scouts waist, and easily picks him up and then sits on the couch so Scout was in his lap as Scouts tongue finds its way into Snipers mouth. not an unpleasent feeling, just different but he liked it. Sniper pulls away from the kiss and holds Scout against him as they relaxed on the couch. Scout rests his head against Snipers chest. the sound of his hear beat comforted him in a soothing way. "hey wombat?" Sniper kisses Scouts head "How much do you weigh, i know im not the strongest but i was able to pick you up no probelm." Scout removes his head from were it was listening to Snipers heart beat. "i only weigh about 110. you can see my ribs, i don't know how you didn't notice." Sniper gives Scout a soft kiss "you know i don't care about how you look, i care about you as a person and if you're healthy, which you might not be if you're that skinny. but i still care about you and want you around. understand?" Scout nods and puts his head back against Snipers chest "i understand babe"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE


	5. Hiding

Breakfast wasn't as bad as it usually was and he's been felling like this for 2 months when Scout and Sniper got together. for a while Scout didn't feel as if he was hated by everyone secretly. Holding hands with sniper under the table and the inside jokes they shared with each other. everyone else (besides Medic of course) saw it as a close friendship, almost like Solly and Demo's close friendship. maybe the fact he had his boyfriend so close to him was the reason he didn't feel like throwing up at the thought of food. the fact he was getting better was clearly shown, not cutting, starting to eat normally again and not having to be on constant edge that someone will figure out how broken he was. Sniper made him feel better about his life and whenever he was stressed he would lay his head agaisnt the others chest. it was calming for the both of them.

"Mission begins in 10 seconds" Those words were so common to hear it almost sounded weird if they didn't hear it. Scout of course was chugging down a can of Bonk while Sniper was watching him from his hide out to pick off the other time whenever they were around. "5,4,3,2,1" Right when the count down ends and the gates open, Scout rushes out like usual, full of Bonk, picking off the enemy team as fast as he could. Full of sugary Bonk and exitment of winning was all he cared about in the moment, while sniper didn't care about points or winning or anything, he was a sniper for the money. eventually scout got sent back to the respawn, fell off a cliff. "Good job Wombat" sniper smiles softly too himself knowing scout was better than that. maybe he was low on health and the other team was protecting all near health kits? who knows. Scout was in respawn and grabs his bat and runs out, he was near Snipers hiding point. he got inside the tall building and found where sniper had his gun perched in the window. "hey babe, ya getting kills?" Sniper flinched very slight , he was not expecting Scout in here.   
"shouldn't you be out there killing the other team?"   
"yeah but i missed ya. and i wanted a kiss for luck." Scout blushed softly, it was kinda cheesy but his ex's would alway give him kisses for luck before a game, even if he didn't want them it was a nice gesture. Sniper smirked slightly and turned away from the window, no one besides them two were in the area  
"come 'er wombat" Sniper opened his arms to embrase Scout, Scout happily hugged him, giving him a soft kisss   
"ya know i wanna stay but the teams probaby wondering where i am by now. i'll be at your van after fighting, ok?"  
"ok" And with that scout left, sniper looked out the window and saw scout running to go beat the other team "...i love you."

The fighting was over as the mercs made their way back to base exept Sniper and Scout who were making there way toward Snipers van. Scouts hand in snipers it made him feel safer in a way. he felt a strong feeling in his heart and it was killing him, he needed to say he loved sniper, it was gonna kill him if he didn't but what if sniper didn't love him and if he said it it would ruin everything because they weren't ready for it to be love yet, but if he doesn't say it, it also might ruin everything because sniper might not think he was as invested as he acctually was. relationships are complicated. he just wanted to be in Snipers loving arms every morning, and spend all the time they could together. Sniper opened the door to his van and let scout inside, Scout sprawled out on the couch with a sigh, being stiff after dying more than usual, and worrying about how he should tell sniper he was in love with him, he was kinda stressed out. Sniper shut the door behind him and sat next the where Scout was.   
"you okay Roo?" Sniper takes his hat off and puts it to the side. Scout shakes his head, Sniper takes Scouts hat off the younger boy and put it with his own hat. Scout puts a small smile on his face forcfully "don't pretend to be happy. just tell me whats wrong, i'll try and help as much as i can Roo" Scout sat up and hugs Sniper tightly.   
"i don't wanna fight anymore. i don't wanna go back out on that feild. i can't. i died over 60 times. i thought the respawn was gonna break," Scout looks down, tears were in his eyes "i was kinda wishing it would break but only if i went through it." Scout wipes his tears away, but they kept falling down his face.  Sniper kisses Scouts head, "you know i don't like it when you talk like that, but i also know you can't help it and i will try and help you as much as i can." Scout looks up at Sniper  
"Mick, can i tell you something" Scout never used Snipers real name unless it was really important and what he needed to say was that important.  
"course you can."  
Scout takes a deep breath and looks into Snipers eyes "Mick, I'm in love with you." Scout was silently preparing his mind forSniper to tell him he didn't feel the same but what he got in returen was so much better than what he was preparing for  
"I'm in love with you too Jeremy" Sniper holds Scout close he was surprised he was able to get any words out of his mouth to respond but the look of pure happiness on Scout's face was enough for him to want to tell him how much he loved Scout every second of everyday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i put the part of scout falling off a cliff in mostly because i would have gotten the kill as scout if the other team was surrounding me and i thought there was more ground around me and i fell and im salty because they were almost dead and it was a week ago but im still fucking mad.


	6. Love is a Beautiful Thing

Scout layed in Sniper's bed face down, taking in the australians scent while he was out shopping. he didn't feel like moving from his spot. it was kind of comforting. It was one of the days where he felt depressed and there was nothing that could be done to help him no matter how much people tried to get him up he usually wouldn't move or eat. He turned his head to the door when he heard it open and Sniper walks in with a few bags from the store. Scout forced himself to sit up. He knew he was gonna be offered food but the tought of food was starting to make him nauseous. He made himself get up. he was't wearing much just one of Sniper's shirt and his own boxers. Sniper looks at him and smiles softly puting whatever he was holding down. "you feeling better from early?" Scout shook his head, he still didn't want to eat, he didn't want to get up at all. "Ok, go lay down, ill be there when im done."

Scout shook his head "i don't wanna be alone in the bed, its lonely" Sniper nods. he tried to understand his depression, no matter how much he knew he wouldn't be able too, he tried. "If you want to help you can but don't if you feel too crappy too. its perfectly fine. i'll get you some water when im done and we can cuddle or watch a movie or anything else you want" Scout nodded and went to sit on the couch a few steps away as sniper put the things he got from the store away. he grabs a bottle of water. he knew in this state scout was in, Bonk! would worsen it, he seen it happen once, and once was once to many times. a few days after they got together scout was like this and Sniper still haden't know much about his depression and what makes him better or worse so he of course knew how much scout loved Bonk! normally but after Scout drank it, lets say there was the closest thing to a suicide Scout had in many years, and his boyfriend saw it happen. neither of them will forget it no matter how much they want to. Sniper walks to the couch a bottle of water in hand for scout. Snipers shirt could be a blanket on Scout, it was so big and covered his hands and went down to his thighs. Sniper hands Scout the bottle which he gladly takes and holds in his lap "can we watch a movie?" he spoke quietly. so quiet it was weird. he never spoke this little or this quiet but sniper understood why. He let Scout pick out a movie and he put it on for him. 

Scout was silent throughout the whole movie, maybe a comment or 2 about a scene that didn't make sense but it was brief but by the end of the movie he was sound adleep, softly snoring as he was wrapped in the blanket from the back of the couch. Sniper turned off the T.V, picked up scout and carried him to their bed and laid him down. he crawled into bed next to him and kissed Scout's head. "I love you Jeremy" 

Scout woke up a few hours later, he was still sad but he smiled soflty when he saw the australian next to him "whatcha doing?" Sniper looked at Scout from behind a book, scout couldn't see what the cover looked like.  
"readin' " Sniper kissed scouts head and went back to reading the unknown book from around the van. "Reading what?"   
"Scout both of us know you won't care about this book," Sniper put the book down "how about you eat something, you haven't eaten all day." Scout shook his head. He was hungry but he didn't want to eat. A war with himself. Sniper raises an eyebrow "i can hear your stomach growlin'. You're eating." Sniper sat up and got out of the bed. scout reluctently followed. he only felt pretty when he was hungry.

Scout reluctently ate the small meal. Sniper knew it wasn't much but it was enough to keep scout's stomach from growling plus it was the only thing scout would eat with out complaining it was too much. sniper looked at the empty bowl that was once filled with cereal in front of Scout. "Can i throw up now" Scout spoke softly he could barely hear himself, but sniper could still hear him. good hearing came with being an assassin. "No you can't throw up. it wasn't that much. you even poured it yourself." Scout looks down. he felt almost bad for being hungry. as if he was disgusted with himself for eating, he felt sick. sniper knew. he knew about his anorexia, he knew about his depression, he knew about his anxiety and his panic attacks and now he knew about his bulimia. his chest felt heavy he tried to get up to go back to the bead but he couldn't move. he could speak. he could barely breath. Sniper sits next to Scout and pulls him close so scout could hear his heart beat. "can you hear me?" Scout nods "good. hear my heart beat?" Scout nods again, trying to push his head closer to Sniper. Sniper smiles softly "good, now focus on that. keep your breathing steady. okay?" Scout does as he's told. listening to Snipers heart beat and trying to keep his breathing in time with the heart as best as he could.

Sniper runs his hands throught Scouts hair. Scout just felt sad at this point. tear streaks down his face from what happened after 'dinner'. Sniper lifted the small boy up and brings him to the bed. "you know i love you so much Roo." Scout nods "i love you too mick" his voice hourse from crying "are you mad at me?" Sniper shook his head "could never be Wombat."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for not updating sooner but to those who did the national walkout in american highschools for the actula cause, i 100% support you and in my school republicans were phisically attacking people at thye protest at my school and someone got arrested for almost raping me and a few other people and i just want to say how important this cause is to me because a lot of my cousins have died in school shooting s and America has the most shooting out of every other country. i hope the goverment gives a tiny shread of a fuck this time.


End file.
